He Can't
by xdreamofmex
Summary: He feels something for her. Something he doesn't want to feel.
1. He Can't

Bellamy had been worried all day about Clarke. Which was weird. Why was he finding himself caring for the brave princess? Sure, she was hot and all, but that didn't mean she should be crossing his mind more than once a day.

Bellamy had slept with many beautiful women, but no one had the fire that Clarke did. He could see it in her eyes when she got frustrated, or passionate about something. He saw it in the way she protected the people she loved, and people who didn't even deserve her protection. Clarke just had something no one else possessed. She was kind, and rational, and fiercely compassionate.

I used to think Clarke couldn't hurt a fly, but the passion in her eyes tell me something completely different. She can lie to herself all she wants, but she is more like me than she wants to admit.

I see the blonde walking through some of the trees behind the camp. She is looking off into the distance, her hands at both of her sides. Bellamy see's the rise and fall of her beautiful chest. She had obviously been distressed by something.

Must be Finn, he thought bitterly. Oh if there was some way he could get rid of the asshole. Bellamy hated Finn. And that was taking it lightly. If Bellamy had the choice, Finn would have been banished the moment he laid his eyes on Clarke. That bastard thinks he can toy with Clarke while having sex with Raven.

If he hurts her I swear-

Bellamy sees Clarke reach up and wipe at her eyes. He feels the anger boil up within him. If this is because of Finn-

Clarke suddenly makes eye contact with him, and he sees the despair in her beautiful baby blue eyes. He can't help but feeling drawn in by her sinful eyes. She looks away from him, and quickly jogs toward her tent.

Bellamy knows that he should follow after her, but he can't. He can't care about her. He can't. He won't let himself. Caring means more pain. And Bellamy can't take anymore pain.


	2. The Grounders Have Clarke

"Groun-nders." Miles murmured weakly.

Bellamy froze. They had Clarke. _They had Clarke. _Bellamy felt like he couldn't breathe. Octavia and Raven looked over to him in alarm and in despair. Bellamy knew he had to pull himself together. Think rationally. It's a suicide mission. Getting Clarke back wasn't an option. He can't risk the lives of the warriors. He can't. He's not a hero. It's not _in_ him.

But why does that thought tear him up on the insides?

"Bellamy, what about Finn and Clarke?" Octavia asked, with wide eyes. Raven was looking at him. He hoped the girl hadn't developed a crush on him. Raven was smart as hell, brave, and tough, but he could never feel that way about her. Not when a blonde was all that clouded his mind.

Bellamy was never one to turn down sex, and that was all it was. Sex. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Bellamy knew he had to be gentle though, because for some reason he can't find it in him to be rude to Raven. She was worrying about Finn. Just as he was worried about Clarke.

"I'm sorry." Bellamy said, looking at her with all of the sympathy he could muster. Bellamy found it hard to do anything at that moment. Clarke was taken by the grounders. She was probably already dead.

_Push out the thoughts, Bellamy. Push them out. She was just a girl. Replaceable. We could elect a new leader. We could move on. _

Bellamy knew that he wouldn't, and couldn't replace Clarke. She was irreplaceable.

She was his brave princess.

Bellamy was never one to believe in hope. The concept had always been foreign to him. Since Octavia was taken away from him, he never believed hope could exist in such a world. Clarke had been showing him how to believe in something, to do the right thing. He never took her seriously, and brushed off the ideals she was trying to show him. Now Bellamy regrets that. Maybe if he wasn't so negative- damaged, she could come back to him.

He _needed_ his brave princess to come back to him.


	3. Losing His Mind

Bellamy can feel his mind slipping away from him. Every moment Clarke is gone leads him into insanity. He thinks about what the grounders could be doing to her. Would they be torturing her? Would they touch her? Every bad possibility was running through his mind. He just saw Clarke not only a day ago. The Grounders are preparing to attack and Bellamy can't get his head on straight. Every time he tries to make a decision or lead the group he can't help thinking he is going to screw everything up. Bellamy isn't good- therefore he is not good enough to run the entire group. He can't do anything right without Clarke here- _anything._

Right now Murphy had Jasper, he shouldn't be thinking of Clarke right now. He should be making decisions. Come on Bellamy, make a good damn decision! Think critically. Think logically. _Think_. Bellamy knew his sister had taken a liking to the boy. Octavia would be so disappointed if Jasper died. She says Jasper is just a friend, but he is no fool. He see's how Octavia looks at the scrawny boy. Even if she wants to deny it, he is her big brother. He knows her better than she knows herself. He would die if it meant Octavia was safe and happy. Bellamy tells himself that his sister is the only reason he is doing this.

"Bellamy!" Octavia yelled, snapping him out of his dark thoughts. "You can't do this! He'll kill you!"

Maybe that's why he wanted to do it, Bellamy thought. Maybe he is just being reckless. It's not safe for the only leader to be putting themselves in danger, especially when a war is coming. But he can't help but doubt himself. Maybe he isn't the best fit. Maybe someone else should take his place. Someone better. Someone _good_. Bellamy can't take care of all of these people. He can't be responsible for all of the camp. Clarke's gone. She, as much as he doesn't want to admit it, is the true leader. She can command someone like no one else. She can inspire anyone, really. She is strong and fiercely independent. She doesn't deserve any of this. If Bellamy had the choice, he would gladly take her place with the Grounders. But he can't- and that makes him feel ill.

"If I don't he'll kill Jasper." Bellamy said. Ever since Bellamy touched foot on the ground he has felt different. Like he was apart of something. If he doesn't do this- if he doesn't save Jasper- he would be letting his sister down. He would be letting _Clarke_ down.

Bellamy doesn't have the slights clue where Clarke is or how she is doing. But if he knows one thing- it is that he is going to fight. He is going to be a better person, _for Clarke._


End file.
